SUGARING THE PILL

This said, I have run around after Jem all week; willing him to slow down, to go steady, to stop running, etc, etc ... but thankfully so far the head is still intact – Phew!  If we can just get to Wednesday – then I think we can safely say he’s pretty much healed.

I was shocked to see the newspaper column inches this week concerning what I first mistook as a crass comment made by Kirsty Young (of Desert Island Disks fame) saying that she ‘doesn’t want her kids to be happy.’   http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2090887/Kirsty-young-says-sense-abandonment-father-left-drove-success.html  http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/9035926/So-what-does-Kirsty-Young-mean-by-being-content.html  surely this had to be a gaff?  I then heard Kirsty on Chris Evans Breakfast Show (on Radio 2), explaining herself.  She detailed how her honesty had landed her in hot water.  In her first written interview (apparently all previous interviews have been TV or radio) she soon realised how misconstrued certain phrases can be when taken out of context and when any emotion is omitted.  On the radio emotions are displayed openly in the voice intonations, on screen you can judge on expression, but on paper the readers are left to their own interpretations.  What Kirsty was actually meaning by her comment, was that ‘happiness’ is, as a rule, short-lived, and shouldn’t be the ultimate aspiration.  We all know that to expect to be in a state of perpetual ‘happiness’ is delusional.  No one can be happy 100% of the time – surely?   Besides, we learn from the ups and downs in life and use this to gain valuable insight and to build strength of character.  I think Kirsty was just being honest.  I have a fondness for honesty  ... but frequently wonder if it would be better to sugar the pill?

Jem has asked a great deal of questions about mortality recently, and I find myself being a lot less fluffy, in fact I’m being increasingly honest with him.  After all at the tender age of 6 he’s had to grow up pretty fast and he’s a wily one.  He’s not easily fobbed off with fairytales!   They’ve obviously been talking about smoking at school and he’s got a real bee in his bonnet about it.  He mentions it pretty much on a daily basis.  He understands that it’s bad and that it can kill you – but then he knows friends and family that smoke and a certain someone has told him that they ‘smoke because they like it’ (I can’t quite believe that someone has said that to an impressionable 6-year old boy) and Jem questions it all the more.  So, rightly or wrongly I’ve given him an incentive....  I’ve told him if he gets to the end of his 25^th year without having a cigarette I’ll give him £1000.  He seems pretty keen on the idea, and I’m more than happy to follow through. 

Speaking of ‘following through,’ I’ve been pretty steadfast recently with my parenting – frequently following through on punishments as and when necessary.  Thankfully I don’t have to withdraw privileges and dish out punishments very often, but when it’s regarding safety and/or manners I’m a stickler for it.  Mummy’s no longer a soft touch – and like it or not Daddy’s backing me up to the hilt.

I still have a big issue with the whole ‘honesty’ debate.  I’ve always said ‘honesty is the best policy’ and am trying to instil the same value in my children.  I’ve always said I’d rather know straight up what’s happened, however bad, rather than being lied to – I really can’t stand liars.  This said I’ve come to question my own values recently when dealt with a dilemma in which blatant honesty could be seen as being a complete bitch!  You see, as honest as I want to be, and whilst I don’t want to hurt people’s feelings – I’m really not so great at sugaring the pill.  Personally, I’d rather people be completely honest with me, however harsh, so I can deal with it and move on.  I’m not talking ‘does my bum look big in this’ – there’s no sweating the little stuff, but where it counts I think being upfront is the only way.  If you sugar the pill, surely the truth will out eventually and the hurt will be greater in the long run?  Anyway – with me I’m afraid it will always be ‘straight up’.... even if I really wanted to – I can’t lie for toffee!  It’d be written all over my face and there’d be telltale waivers in my voice too.  Then again – I could always write it down!?*